Miss you

Now is 2.33am,but i didnt feel tired at all..chinese new year is coming soon,but i really didnt feel excited at all and even didnt feel like it is a special day for me. Every year, i used to celebrate chinese new year wiv my family..but this time,is my first time,celebrate chinese new year without my parent at my side..is just feel like something is not right at all and some part is missing for this coming festival..
2010,is not a new starting point for me..today,I ask the most stupid question in my class..i felt so dispressing..because i cannot speak fluent english that why people tend to misunderstand what i trying to say..it really makes me feel so bad,when there is no one understand what u trying to say or mention..the moment i heard lot of people keep on whispering what does she talking about,i dont get what she wanna said,what does she mean..I just canot do anything but getting more nervous and stress..i try my best to make it clear,but still,most of my classmates cannot get what i talking about.I just feel i am so fail..and never improve at alll..almost one year already study at here,i stil facing the same obstacle..i already get used with the life being a joker...that why,when someone asking me,how r u today..my answer will always be the same.."perfectly fine!" actually,it is just a lie..for me,everyday is just the same..i just forcing myself to smile all the time..so no matter is chinese new year,valentine day,christmas or weekend,everyday is just the same for me..nothing special happen at all and no miracle happen at all..my english still very lousy,my life still very stressful...
sometime,i just felt like i wan to give up and cannot take it anymore..i really felt that this place doesnt belongs to pehrong at all...but,i knew that my mum n dad have higher expectation on me..and i should be responsible to my choice n my decision..there is no way for me to U turn anymore
I just wanna said,'dad,mum,i really very miss u..i miss home..i miss having dinner wiv u all,i miss the time we have fun together..laughing together..i miss the way u treat me when i having exam..mum..i miss u all so much..Y.Y